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I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing. I was still in my room, but things were so different now. Sunlight beamed through each of my windows, which were now open. The light however was different. It was as if the sun had multiplied itself by two, because the light coming through was so direct and bright like it was right outside both of my windows, as opposed to in the sky where it should be. I felt like I should panic but I didn’t, it all was just too beautiful. There was also the fog, it was everywhere but I could no doubt see everything. Well almost everything. In a split second the fog lifted and the sun beams left. I gazed in awe at the figure that had suddenly appeared standing at the foot of my bed. He was staring right back at me with a confused expression. As he composed his face I took him in. He was lean and tall. Not just taller than me, but tall. His full lips were pressed into a tight line, high cheekbones and a nose most would pay for. When I looked into his eyes I was not at all prepared. They held so many emotions, as plain to see as if it was written on my wall. Shock, Disbelief, Skepticism, and a host of questions I couldn’t completely understand. He sat at the end of my bed.

            “Hi?” he said in an unsure voice, though his voice was barely above a whisper.

            “Hi?” I said matching his tone, since I was as oblivious as to what was going on as he was.

            “You can see me?” he asked the relief in his voice sympathetic.

            “Of course, can’t you see me?” I was on the verge of laughing, even though somewhere in my brain I was still trying to figure out why there was a strange man in my bedroom, an extremely exquisite specimen of a man, but a man no less. My mind was saying panic, scream, and fight.  I felt an odd sense of safeness though.

“This has never happened before.” He said more to himself than to me. He moved closer to me and I stiffened. He smiled. “Don’t be scared.”

“Ryan, get up!” I heard my brother sounding far away.

The stranger smiled and stroked my cheek with his fingertips. “See you soon.”

            I jerked up as I felt a pillow hit my face. “What Sean?”

            “I’m going to be late, that’s what. Are you hung over of something? You never oversleep.”

            “What time is it?” I asked groggily, wanting desperately to get back to what I assumed was a dream. I only assumed because in my eighteen years of existence, I had never had a dream. Well I guess I did dream, because according to my light research everyone did. I was just one of the rare individuals who did not remember anything once I was awake. So why did I still feel the intensity I felt when the stranger touched my face.

Since I never dreamed I never woke up after five. I was usually dressed and had breakfast ready for my mom and my younger brother Sean. So the look of panic, on his face at the moment was completely reasonable.

“It’s seven, and we were supposed to be gone by now. Coach is going to go nuts on me.” He whined.

I glanced at my clock and was instantly angry. “Sean did you ever set your clock back?”

“Huh?” He asked confused, and suddenly understanding surfaced on his face. “Oh, I totally forgot about that.” He smiled apologetically, and then threw his self across the end of my bed. “Besides your usually up before the son anyway, so I kind of panicked. So you have time to make breakfast, I could really go for you blueberry and lemon pancakes.” He said smiling at me.

“Too bad.” I said throwing my covers back and stretching as I got up to find a t-shirt and jeans in my drawers.“ I have an hour to get ready, and I have to pick Lindsey up for our class today, so you should really make cereal.” I felt bad as I said it. It was my fault for spoiling him all fourteen years of his life. Also, breakfast was one of the two times a day we usually talked to our mom, after she came home from working at the car manufacturing plant. I loved cooking so I usually made breakfast and dinner because between the hours of seven in the morning until seven in the evening she caught up on her sleep, but was always up and ready for dinner and whatever show Sean was watching before she left back out to work at ten thirty.

I turned and caught the sad baby face he was trying to make, but since this past summer, he couldn’t pull it off. My little brother had drastically transformed into an extremely tall and bulky young man. I’m sure the football had played a major part in his bulkiness, but the tall factor he had definitely gotten from our mom. She stood a respectable 5’8 and Sean was already at 6 feet. I was practically crawling behind them both at the mere height of 5’1, but that could possibly be my fault, because of my early addiction to coffee. Whoever didn’t think that coffee stunted growth, I was living proof.

“Look, I’m sorry, what if I hurry and we stop at the Cavity on the way?” I asked trying to wipe that silly expression from his face before I laughed.

“Deal!” he said as he jumped up excitedly and walked from my room.

I walked into my private bathroom, with the same elated feeling I felt every time I went in to it. Four years ago, after living in a not so great neighborhood my whole life, my mother Diane decided the family needed a change of scenery so her, my brother Sean and I packed up our very small three bedroom house and moved into a quaint suburb. This house was still new to me. There were three bedrooms and four baths. That was exciting to me because one of the bathrooms was mine. I coveted the only room downstairs, which was no problem with my mom and Sean, because of my early bird tendencies. The other two bedrooms were spaciously separated upstairs.

            After doing my morning hygienic ritual, I quickly dressed in my favorite Bob Marley fitted tee, jeans and sneakers. I took a long uneasy look at myself in the long mirror on the back of my bedroom door. Like many teenagers I had insecurities. However unlike most eighteen year olds, I still hadn’t got used to this body of mine. My biggest was my body shape. I was what you would call curvy. Well, as curvy as my 120lb frame would allow. While most girls in high school envied my shape I hated it. It caused too much attention from guys. Which, I did not want. I wished for my preteen body. The one I had before my flat chest produced the c-cups I was now burdened with. Now my narrow hips developed a slight curve. But most of all before my ass started to make its debut as the most popular thing on my body. I was eighteen years old, but still feeling the same insecurities I felt the summer before freshman year when my body began changing. However, after my first trip to a club with Lindsey on her eighteenth birthday, I started to add a few skirts, heels and what I call club attire to my wardrobe.

            I walked to the big open kitchen, right off the family room, and found my brother at the table talking to my mom. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down across from my mom.

            “Good morning sweetie.” My mom said while yawning.

            “Morning mommy, how was work?”

            “The same. What is your schedule for the day?”

            “Well I have class this morning and, a shift at the bakery after that.”

            “Which class?” She asked fighting another yawn.

            “Comp two.”

            Sean cleared his throat.

My mom smiled. “So I hear you overslept this morning. Well, I only say ‘overslept’ because you’ve been waking up at five your whole life. Sean here seems to think you are hung-over. Are you?” She asked with humor in her eyes but I saw curiosity in them also, like maybe she believed Sean’s assumption was right.

            “Actually I had the most intense dream this morning that Sean unfortunately interrupted.” I said, finally allowing my mind to remember it. In the shower, I had made a mental note to discuss it later with my best friend Lindsey.

            “That’s surprising, considering the fact that you’ve always looked a Sean and I like we had lost it, whenever we talk about our dreams, since you can never remember yours.”

I laughed. “Because, it’s always something silly, like a horror movie villain, chasing you through the house, and let’s not forget Sean’s never ending killer penguin dreams.” I laughed and shot a teasing look at him.

My mom and I laughed, while Sean stood and disappeared around the corner. He came back a moment later as our laughter died down, with his coat on and book bag slung over his shoulder.

“Come on, the doughnuts are waiting.” He said handing me my keys.

“See you later mommy, I’m not cooking tonight so I’ll get Chinese.”

“That’s fine, see you guys later.” She rose and kissed both of our foreheads. “Have a good day.” She called as she walked up the stairs.

I put on my coat, hat and gloves, because despite how Sean might feel about them, only a fool who lived in Michigan would go outside in December, without these essentials. I locked the front door and safely made it to my Ford Fiesta without slipping on the ice, which would be non-existent if Sean had followed mom’s instructions of putting salt down the stairs and walkway.

“Sean, while I warm up the car, you should go sprinkle some salt down. We don’t want mommy hurting herself.” I knew I had to throw mom in there for him not to argue with me. He sluggishly obeyed and then we were off to the bakery.

The Cavity was the bakery I worked at through high school and still worked there five times a week since our house was a reasonable commute to the university I attended. Despite the name, the place was always packed to the capacity. So it didn’t surprise me when we entered and could barely get through the crowd.

I handed, Sean my keys. “Go keep the car running. I know what you want and I can get it faster than standing in this line.”

 “Get something for Chris and Alyssa too?” he asked as he ran out. Chris had been his best friend since we moved here. They both played on the football team and were rarely apart. Either they were at our house raiding the fridge and playing video games, or they were at Chris’s doing the same. Alyssa had recently weaseled her way into their small circle of nerdy athletes, and much more into Chris and Sean’s friendship also. She was taller than me but not by much, with red hair that stopped just past her shoulders. She was pretty and she definitely knew it, with what I usually saw her wearing. I didn’t like her and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she flirted with them both openly in front of each other. ‘Pick one and stick to it, and please not my brother’, is what I usually thought when I witnessed this, when she came over, which was becoming more frequent.

I finally made my way to the front after struggling with other customers who thought I was trying to cut the line. I was actually but since I was the only one not behind the counter who could ring myself up I felt I was entitled.

I spotted the owner and my boss as I finally made it behind the counter “Hey Bobby.” I said to as I donned a hair net and apron.

“Ryan? I thought you had class this morning.” He said confused as he handed a woman her box of pastries and then turned to look at my class schedule, I had posted next to the calendar. “Yes, see here you have Composition this morning.” He then dragged his chubby finger to the week’s schedule. “Your shift is not until one this afternoon.”

“I know, but I promised Sean doughnuts this morning.” I explained putting on gloves. I wanted to tell him about me oversleeping, but his mind would go straight to panic. Probably thinking I would oversleep the days I came in at five to help him with the prep work for all of his homemade pastries. Out of the other seven people he employed, I was the only early bird who didn’t mind doing this. That was how I beat out the other applicants for the job.

“Oh ok. Take what you need. We made a bunch of those cinnamon rolls, him and his friends eat like potato chips.” He went back to his next customer as I grabbed a box and a bag and began filling them, making sure not to forget Lindsey and myself. I finished and said goodbye to my other co-workers who gave me the look of envy, as I waved while pushing myself through the crowd.

After dropping Sean off, I stopped at my favorite coffee place for my ritualistic double espresso, and Lindsey’s caramel macchiato. As I sat in my car blaring Lily Allen and waiting for Lindsey, my thoughts went back to the dream. It wasn’t like all the other ones I had been forced to listen to all of these years. Except for the brightness of what I assumed was the sun, everything about it seemed too real. I replayed every detail, trying desperately to convince myself that it was just a dream. My bed squeaked as he sat down on it, I could feel the warmth of his breath when he leaned in and spoke, and also the warmth of his hand when he stroked my face. There was also the dialogue. He was surprised I could see him. I wonder why this was. He also mentioned something about it never happening before. Dream or not it was real to me and I couldn’t wait for our next meeting.

“Hey.” She said groggily as she got into the car, adjusting the seat to her height, as it was still in the position to seat my huge little brother.

As I pulled away from her house, I simultaneously handed her the bag of muffins and the coffee.” You look like you could use this.”

“You don’t know how right you are. That woman makes me question why I just didn’t go away to school instead of commuting.” She started ranting about her new step mom. “By the way, thanks for driving me today. I’m still one hundred short to get my car out, but I’ll have it by Friday.”

“You know that’s not even an issue, so hush.”

She smiled. “So anyway, that bitch had the nerve to tell me to trade rooms with that demonic spawn she gave birth to because-“she cleared her throat to mimic her voice ‘It will give you motivation to stop sponging off of your dad, and maybe you can move out sooner.’ “Can you believe her? I already knew my dad would never back her up, but I couldn’t help the string of curses I unleashed on her. I’ve lived in that room since we moved in that house. My mom and I painted it. Well not so much painted, more like picked different colors and splashed them all over the place.”

She paused suddenly, biting her nails. I knew that the memory of her mom was the trigger. Mrs. Phillips had passed during our sophomore year, taken tragically in a car accident. Lindsey had a very bad year, experimenting with drugs and alcohol. The only thing that seemed to stick with her since then was her all black wardrobe. Everything in her closet and drawers was black. Most took it as a sign that she was still mourning, but she told me it was her mother’s favorite color. Mr. Phillips had just remarried this past summer on my birthday, to a woman, who would make Nurse Ratched seem warm. Sylvia entered the marriage with a daughter of her own, also from a previous marriage. She quit her job as a receptionist at a small clinic, right after she was married. I suppose she felt that Mr. Phillips job as a professor at the university was enough to support the family. As if she needed another reason for Lindsey to hate her. She was turning out to be the evil step mother you only read about in fairytales. Her thirteen year old daughter was the epitome of herself. I had only met them both a few times, but after a extremely unnerving comment she made over dinner about, ‘my mom being a bad mom for spending more time at work than at home where she should be, if she could ever learn to keep a man around’ I was done with her. Her daughter Jamie hadn’t done anything to me but I had heard enough stories to just make special appearances at the house when I wanted to speak to Mr. Phillips.

“So what did your dad say about it?” I asked, trying to pull her out of the sadness that would soon overtake her.

“He too, agreed with me and explained to her, that he had asked me to commute to school, because he wanted to spend more time with me. Then he put his foot down telling me not to speak to her like that again. That’s totally fine with me because I can call her a bitch behind her back. Or I could do that fake cough around the house saying it then.” She laughed. “Hey, did I tell you that I’m saving for my own place?” she continued before I could answer. “I could wait until the trust my mom put aside for me but that’s not until I turn twenty-one. One of us might not survive in that house until then.  I can’t wait until he breaks it to her that she can’t re-model the kitchen yet because he’s matching whatever I save.”

“I thought you guys had just remodeled last year?” I asked turning into the parking lot.

“We did but she doesn’t like it. Anyway, no more talk of the witch. I can’t believe I ranted about her the whole way here. What’s new with you?”

I smiled, and then paused. I wasn’t sure I wanted to mention my dream yet. What if she found it silly? Or dismissed it? No, I would wait until I had more to tell.

“No, not really. How is Ben?” I asked referring to her boyfriend.”

“He’s good; he will be home in a few days for Christmas break. I still can’t get over us actually making this long distance thing work.” She said as I pulled into a spot.

 I laughed. “He’s only an hour away. You’ve seen him like twice a month since he left.” I replied as I grabbed my book bag from the backseat and we started toward the English building.

            “So is Josh still calling?” She asked carefully, like she wanted to take it back once it was out of her mouth.

            “Unfortunately.” I said already regretting, my impulse decision to ignore the question.

            “I know I’m going to regret saying this, yet again, but Ryan come on! You should really give the guy a break. He didn’t do anything wrong. He talks to Ben all the time about you; he is still wondering why you dumped him.” She said rushed, assuming I would interrupt her.”

            “Are you done?” I asked holding the door open for her to enter the building in front of me. We quickly made it to our class and took our seats. As our instructor handed back our papers, and began talking about the research paper we had been dreading since September, I started to think about Josh.

            Josh Paris was my high school sweetheart. We dated from our sophomore year until the end of our senior year. While he took the break-up hard and had initially called me a heartless bitch for dumping him, I felt it was the most practical thing to do. He was going away to college and I wasn’t, so why would I put us through the not always realistic situation of a long distance relationship. We were too young to be tied down like that. I loved him of course he was my first love and the only guy I had ever had sex with. I was sure he would never understand how painful it was for me to make that decision, but I would have rather dealt with the pain of our breakup before he left, than get that phone call or text saying that he had met someone else. Lindsey felt I was being self-sabotaging, but I felt I was being smart.

            “Ms. Nelson, you seem deep in thought, what are you writing your research paper about?” My instructor Mr. Harris asked snatching me out of my thoughts. He always caught me off guard, I could be listening intently, and as soon as I start to think of what I had to do when I left here or what I was making for dinner, he’d asked me a question.

            I had yet to start my paper yet even though it was due on Friday. I scrambled around my brain and came up with the first thing that came to the surface. “Dreams.” I said finally.

            “Dreams?” he asked puzzled, and I thought he would leave it at that, but of course he didn’t. “What exactly about dreams?”

            This time I was prepared. “Well it will kind of be from personal experiences and research. I’ve never had dreams, which I could remember, until recently. So I’ve been researching why that is, and if there are others who don’t dream and the supposed reason behind it.” I finished giving Lindsey and exasperated look out the corner of my eye.

            He tilted his head to the side and smiled. “Well I look forward to reading it. Everyone else submit your rough drafts by the end of the day.” He said then dismissed us early. Happy to get away from him I quickly grabbed my things and started for the door.

“Ms. Nelson, do you have a minute?” He asked as soon as my foot started to cross the threshold.

I sluggishly turned and sat in the desk closest to the door. As she past I handed Lindsey my keys.

Finally I met his gaze. “What can I help you with?”

“I’m extremely intrigued with your paper topic. I don’t however feel that three days will give you sufficient time to do that thorough enough job for you to receive anything above a D.”

“I can’t get a D; I’m on an academic scholarship.” I said panic strong in my voice.

He looked thoughtful for a few moments and then spoke. “Well your work so far has been above exceptional so, I could just base your final grade on those and the rough draft you submit. In turn you would have to become my T.A. next semester.”

I stared at him contemplating spending more time than necessary and wondering why he all of a sudden was offering this opportunity. Freshmen rarely got to be teacher assistants. “I think I’ll just pick another topic.” I said standing. “But thanks for the offer.” I hurried out without another glance in his direction.

After working six hours and closing with an older co-worker Lois, I was not in the mood to find Alyssa lying across the couch on top of Chris and Sean. Hey legs across Sean’s lap and her head in Chris’s lap.

            “Manner’s children!” I said as I made my way to the kitchen and dropped the bags of Chinese food on the island counter. Sean came in a moment later.

            “Seriously Sean, what if it was mom who saw that.” I hissed.

            He rolled his eyes. “Oh please, don’t be such a prude. We were just hanging out, and if I remember correctly I’ve caught you and Josh making-out on the couch too many times to count. We were just watching T.V., you just don’t like her, so you use any excuse to make her fell unwanted here.”

            “She is unwanted here.” I said quietly, while placing three plates on the table.

            Sean grabbed two more from the cabinet. “Mom already said Chris could stay and you don’t want to be rude and not invite Alyssa. Mom wouldn’t like to hear about that.”

“Mom wouldn’t like what?” My mom asked entering the kitchen.

“Nothing, how did you sleep?” I asked taking a seat at the table as Chris and Alyssa took seats on the stools in front of the island.

“Fine, did you get Thai fried rice?”

“Yup and crab Rangoon.”

“Gross.” Sean said as he grabbed sesame chicken and fried rice and his plate and went to sit at the island between his friends.

After dinner Chris and Alyssa said goodbye and Sean and I lounged on the couch, with my mom, watching a really bad reality TV show. After it went off Sean excused himself to bed, and suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get to sleep either.

“Well, I’m going to clean the kitchen and go to bed.” I said standing.

“I can do it; I still have a bit of time before I leave out. Go to bed, don’t you have to be at the bakery at five?” She said leaving me in the family room.

I actually didn’t, because I had prepped more than half of the stuff before I had left for the night. I wanted to see if my dream this morning was a fluke or not though.

“Goodnight Mommy.” I said hurrying off too my room and closing the door.

            The first thing I did was shower and wash my hair. If I did this tonight I could gain a half hour of sleep. After dressing in shorts and a tank-top, I set my alarm clock so I could wake up on time to make breakfast. After climbing in bed I turning my TV to a movie so I could fall asleep. After this my thoughts went into overdrive. What if I was imagining all of this? What if it was just a stupid dream? Nothing special just in the sense that it was the first one I had ever had. Maybe tonight I would dream of Sean’s killer penguins.

            I sighed, disappointed, and the last thing I heard was my mom shutting the front door.

            I opened my eyes again to bright light and fog, and once it vanished, he was standing in that same spot again. This time there was no hesitation as he sat facing me my on my bed.

            “Hello.” He said smiling.

            “So we meet again.” Was my brilliant response.

            He laughed. “You weren’t so sure we would though.” It wasn’t a question.

            I frowned. “What?”

            “You thought I was just a random dream, and the minute before you feel asleep you were imaging dreaming about killer penguins.” He said fighting a laugh.

            “How do you know that?” I asked scooting away from him.

            He followed, this time closer to me. “I’ve been here all day. I’m a part of your subconscious. Any strong emotions or loud thoughts I can feel or hear them.” He said scooting even closer and gently grabbing my hand.

            He was inches from my face now and I was finding it almost impossible to comprehend what I wanted to say. So I took the time to look him over again. Face still gorgeous, but now it held something different. He no longer looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. It looked as if that weight had been lifted and now his already beautiful features had been multiplied with the blatant happiness that was now on his face.  I hadn’t paid much attention to the clothes he was wearing during our last meeting, but I noticed now that he wore jeans and a t-shirt. My eyes traveled back up to his and he was staring intently at me.

            “What?” I asked suddenly self-conscious about his stare.

            “Just thinking about something else I overheard today. Is it true that until you met me that you had never dreamed?” he asked looking me directly in my eyes.

            “Yes, it’s true. I always listened to others dream thinking how crazy it all sounded and being glad that I never had them.”

            He laughed again.

            “I’m not sure I like that you just live inside, my head now. I mean, isn’t that a total invasion of privacy. Not to mention the fact that if I told anyone about it, I would be instantly committed.” I said, instantly playing it out all in my head, and then stopping abruptly. “I thought dreams were supposed to be disorienting, and hazy. I don’t even feel asleep right now. It’s like I’m awake, sitting here with you.” I tried to think of a different way to describe it, but I was at a loss. So I just lost myself in his eyes again.

            He stared back into mine looking for something I’m not sure of. He traced the lines inside of my palm, while I traced the bone structure of his face. He wasn’t imperfectly gorgeous, but that seemed to make the allure stronger. While his nose and high cheekbones were perfect, his lips were uneven, the top almost the same size as the bottom. I started to trace the veins shown on his arms. I traced from his wrist to his elbow. That is when I actually to in his size and shape. While my initial reaction was that he was skinny and tall, I now saw that there was a great amount of muscle behind is lanky build.

            My eyes traveled back to his and I watched him give my body the same review I had just given his. I didn’t realize my blanket was thrown off of me until he reached my legs and the plaid shorts I had worn to bed. I lowered my head and my jaw clenched automatically with an extremely audible sound in the both scary, but comfortable silence.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked in panic.

            “Nothing, I can’t complain that you are doing the same thing I just did.”

            “You can. Am I making you uncomfortable?”

            “A bit, but that’s more my insecurities than anything else.”

            “Insecurities?” he asked confused. “What could you possibly have to be insecure about? Never mind don’t tell me.” He stood from my bed and reached for my hand. I obeyed and he walked me to the mirror on the back of the door. “Show me.”

            I started at the same reflection I saw every day and began. “First my height, to some girls it might be acceptable to be this short, but not for me. Others always take my height as that they can overpower or intimidate me.” I took a breath and found his eyes again already on mine through the refection standing silently behind me. “I sound silly. I guess the only real problem I have with my body is the attention I get from it.”

            “There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. You just have to learn to ignore the unwanted attention.” He turned me towards him, and lifted my head so our eyes could meet. “Would my attention be unwanted?” He said leaning in a little more as he spoke each word.

            I tried to focus on answering his question but my unsteady breathing was making it hard. He continued to lean in a tiny distance at the end of each ragged breath I took. When he was only a fraction of an inch away from my lips, his eyes asked if he should continue. I’m not sure what mine conveyed, but within the next second our lips met.

            I had only ever kissed Josh and it had been so long since I had, that I was afraid I was doing it wrong. Silly me, I guess I was doing fine because his arms, at first cupping either side of my face, were now wrapped tightly around my waist. We continued on for and inestimable period of time, him at one point actually lifting me up to meet his face without him bending.

            I pulled back first, to steady my breathing and pulse. He carried me back to my bed, sitting me back in the position I was in before and then sitting beside me.

            “That was-“I started, but not sure how to finish

            “Intense.” He finished, grabbing one of my hands and enclosing it inside of his.

            “Crazy seems like a good fit for it too.”

            He looked surprised. “Why do you say that?”

            “Well first off, I don’t even know your name, and two you’re a dream. A great figment of my imagination of course, but when it comes down to it your just a mirage of something or someone my subconscious wants me to work on.” I said obviously working myself up. I started to hear an annoying beeping sound in the distance. I now took in his surprisingly unpleasant face. I reached out and angled his face so that our eyes could meet again.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive, and I’m just frustrated that this is all only a dream.”

            “It’s much more than just that, Ryan.” He said while the beeping seemed closer.

            “What is it then?” I asked trying to ignore the annoying beeping growing louder.

            He smiled and stroked my cheek and I couldn’t help leaning into his touch. “We’re out of time.”

            “Well at least tell me your name.” We were nearly shouting by now, that stupid sound blaring closer now.

            “Collin.” He said simply, and kissed me once more, before I was pulled out of my unconsciousness.

            I woke up to the loud sound of my previously set alarm clock. I reached to my night stand and tried to hit the off button, but I had too much force behind it and it landed across my room with a crash.